My Devotion
My Heart
Treasures in the Dark
Teresa Jenkins
I
will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so
that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by
name. Isaiah 45:3
Can
you look back over your life without seeing the not so good or even the bad
times that you went through? Can you now see the good that came out of
those times? Did those times change you in any way? Yes it is hard
to see good in bad and yes we all have a tendency to lean toward the cynical or
resentful attitude over the bad things we go through. But those times are
the darkness where treasures are hidden, the secret places no one else knows about.
It
was many years after some heartbreaking events in my life when I first read
this verse. It’s one thing to have one failed marriage in your
history, but to have one more with two more children involved. Being
single and raising four boys was not on my life-plans, but there I was and I
cannot say that I found the treasure in the midst of it all. No during
those very dark and scary times, I was very depressed, cynical and
resentful. I couldn't believe all my hopes and dreams were gone. I
was a failure and I took most of the blame on myself, which meant the guilt and shame was
multiplied and even heavier. I would never be a respectable person
again. I had made very poor choices and I asked God’s forgiveness which
He immediately gave, but it took me years to give myself permission to forgive
me.
When
I first read this verse, I really had to search for the treasures that were
given to me in those dark times. I didn't see them at first, the riches in my life were hidden very well in the secret places. It took time
for me to look past the bad to see the good that God had worked
out. But He constantly put before me those treasures and riches, until I
finally recognized them, in fact I am still finding them all the time in all
those years ago.
Now
I am amazed at just how much I can see treasures in the difficult times that I
go through in my present. The loss of a loved one is a very difficult
time, it has its own darkness that David refers to as the shadow in the 23rd
Psalm. Many fear death, it is so secretive and a process that no one
knows until experiencing it. I can’t say that I’m looking forward to the
process of death, but I know that I will love the destination. I don’t
understand it, but I know the treasure, I have already found it in the darkness
of losing my mother in death recently. I don’t think I can even explain
it, but this time the treasure was immediately given to me in the moment of her
death.
Over
my years of struggles with failure and broken marriages, God was teaching very
important truths that only come from Him in a working on relationship with
Him. When I was young I dreaded with fear losing my mother in
death. I could not imagine my life without her in it. But in God’s
perfect timing, in His perfect grace and peace, He took my mother out of this
world and into His and in that same instant He left a nugget of my mother with
me, a treasure that no one can take away or steal. It’s mine.
People
ask me how I’m doing in the days and weeks since my mother died and some are
very surprised to hear me say, “I am doing very well! God has been so
good!” People will say “I’m sorry for your loss.” And my immediate
internal response is I am not sorry, I have not lost my mother at all. I
have been given a treasure beyond comparison. My mother’s body died, but
she lives eternal and I feel her presence with me more now than I did when she
was still in her physical body.
We
may have to look harder in the darkness for the treasures God has for us
sometimes, but In my own experiences and trials, I have learned that sometimes
the treasure is in the search and sometimes the treasure appears when I open my
heart and just let God pour the treasure in. For all of us the treasure
hunt begins like digging in mines, hard and treacherous, but as we learn to
depend and trust God in all things, the treasures become more obvious and even
crystal clear.
In
HIS Time
Teresa
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