No Turning Back

December 30, 2015

My Devotion

My Heart

No Turning Back

Teresa Jenkins

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is seen is eternal.  2Corinthians 4:18

I do not know about you, but I am totally exhausted from dragging around the baggage of all my yesterdays.  It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad thoughts and memories of yesterday, I spend way too much time giving all the shoulda, coulda, and woulda’s.  Every time a thought crosses my mind in no time at all I can start beating myself up on why I did what I did, or how I should have done the whole thing better or differently.

The only good thing that comes from our memory bank is using it to make better choices, but I don’t think that is what very many of us do.  I used to think I was all alone in my self-berating treatment.  But I’m not so sure anymore.  I think that is what the one who seeks to destroy me wants me to think.  He’s very good at using what I think about myself to point out people around me who “appear” to be doing so much better than I am.  Instead of seeing others and being happy about their blessings, I’m berating myself because I know that many of the results I’m living with are not the blessings they seem to be enjoying.

Sometimes I can hear in my head, “See if you had only made better choices 30 years ago you wouldn’t be living with so much shame.”  He takes the truth and twists it like a knife in my heart.  I don’t care how many times I want to turn back and do it all over again, I know that I can’t, but I keep reliving it in my mind over and over. 

Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life will save it.”  Luke 9:23 &24

At first interpretation I knew that meant I must accept Christ as my Savior and put on the cross my idea of what my life is.  Gradually God is revealing to me, that the only thing in my past that matters is that I received Him.  All the other stuff needs to be nailed to the cross through His sacrifice.  He knows our humanness and that once is not always enough, “take up their cross daily,” no matter how many times we have to nail our sin, our regrets, our guilt, and our shame to the cross, it’s ok, but if we don’t and we continue to carry them around we are not denying self, instead we waste precious time and energy on the things we cannot change robbing us every opportunity to focus on the things we can influence change.

At this time of year we see a lot of focus on giving and reaching out to others and thanks to social media we see a lot of wonderful things being done in the “Christmas Spirit.”  While it all is well and good, and I envy those who do all those wonderful things, I struggle with what I do or should I say don’t do.  This morning as I got on to myself one more time about not knowing what I can do, He reminded me that prayer is so important and it’s the one thing that we all can do.  You or I may not have the means or access to physically do something, but we all have the means and access to pray.  Our prayers open up the window of opportunity for someone to reach out, for someone to help someone in need. 

We cannot turn back the hands of time and use what we know now to make a better life than we had, to do things the right way, that’s not in God’s plan.  We are given a microscopic amount of time on this earth against the massive expanse of eternity to make a difference.  No one ever did anything great that didn’t begin in prayer.  I’m sorry I haven’t spent more time in prayer.  I’m sorry that I’ve put other things before prayer.  I’m sorry there have been many days I left my cross hanging on the wall and didn’t take it with me through the day.  There is no turning back time, but I can fix my eyes on what I cannot see, and press on toward the prize by start doing what I know to do and let the window of opportunity to do more for the Glory of God.  May starting on our knees before the throne lift us up to do more and more taking up our cross daily following Him.

“…so is My word that goes out from my mouth:   It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  Isaiah 55:11

What if His people prayed with no turning back?

In HIS Time

Teresa